Trusting in Ourselves

Have you ever googled the word, “Trust”?  There is no shortage of hits (About 1,640,000,000 results in 0.64 seconds), and the resulting search will reveal everything from the value of establishing a financial trust to the importance of having trusting relationships.  Trust is defined as having confidence, faith or hope in someone or something.  An example of trust is having faith that things will be better in the future.  Simply put, trust is fundamental to life.  If you cannot trust in anything, life becomes intolerable—a constant battle against paranoia and worst case scenarios.  Trust is the basis for all relationships.  So let me ask you a question, when was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, “Can I trust you?”
 

Before you answer, think about this.  Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship — including the relationship you have with yourself.  The reality is there are very few people in our lives, that we know, with 100% accuracy, we can trust at all times and in all situations.  Hence self-trust is critical as it enables you to protect your own needs and safety and subsequently be present to attend to the needs and safety of others. 

The nature or our world and events of the past year have caused many to question who they can trust; some even questioning themselves.  Sometimes we lose self-trust because of a mistake or after someone criticizes us harshly or constantly.   Similarly, in new situations our trusted way of doing things can be rendered useless.  As such, it can feel more difficult to make decisions because uncertainty has created a fear of making the wrong choice.  Likewise we may be even more prone to criticizing our own decisions after making them.  So how do we move forward and build self-trust?

1. Be Yourself – The reality is others will look at you and judge you; that is not to be feared, nor is it a reason to become someone different than who you are .  Not being yourself is a sign that you’re lacking in self trust and confidence.  To improve self-trust, honor your emotions and avoid relying on the opinions of others.  Remind yourself that it’s good to be you. 

2. Be Kind to Yourself – Honor the commitments you make yourself, whether it be pursuing the goals you set or following your dreams.  An important part of this commitment is making promises to yourself and keeping them.  Examples might include creating and sustaining personal boundaries, going to bed earlier, or visiting the doctor for a check-up.  Ultimately, building self-trust means becoming your own best friend.

3. Silence the Inner Critic:  Everyone has a harsh inner critic, which sometimes takes the voice of a parent or someone from your past who made you think you weren’t good enough. However, you can reduce or eliminate the habit of listening to your inner critic.  Try being more kind and speaking kindly to yourself.  Showing self compassion when you make a mistake, enables you to show greater understanding and empathy to others when they make mistakes. 

4. Check-in With Yourself:  Have an awareness of your thoughts and feelings and be able to express them.  Ask yourself, “How am I doing?”  Find out what is going on inside yourself rather than simply dismissing an emotional or negative disturbance.  In other words, be mindful of your inner experiences.  Self-trust is not about being perfect, it’s about growth; about becoming a better version of ourself.

5. Be Decisive:  Break the habit of questioning your decisions.  We compromise self-trust when we continually question our actions or decisions.  We build self-trust when we make a decision and stick with it.  Sometimes we will make the wrong one.  Learn from it and move on, knowing the experience will help you in the future.  Doing so will help you learn to be more trusting of yourself and your decision-making skills.

Enabling self-trust is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.  Self-trust builds confidence and makes the process of decision making much easier. We all want others to trust and believe in us.  However, before that can happen, we must learn to believe in, and trust, ourselves.

EMBRACE THE CHALLENGE